Last night, after dinner (we had heart-shaped pizza), I said to two of my daughters, “I have a theory. When a woman or girl truly feels loved, that’s when she is happiest.” They both enthusiastically agreed. (One is married, one is in her late teens.)
This is something I learned later in life. At least that’s when it came clear to me. When I was bishop and in a position to counsel with couples on a regular basis, that’s when this realization solidified in my mind. A woman is happiest when she feels loved. And she is really happy when she is loved in the way she wants to be loved.
A man or husband who understands, and does something about it, will be happier himself.
To love your wife, you have to live outside of the moment. You have to see beyond the day. You have to see her with spiritual eyes. You have to see the truth.
I think so many men get caught on the coat hook of their wives’ snarlieness, but the secret to overcoming that is to show your wife the love she deserves in the way she can understand.
A man who understands his wife’s love language will know how to love her in the way she needs to be loved.
Gary Chapman’s five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
There are probably more love languages than this, but this list covers most cases.
I know what my wife’s love language is. Do you know what your wife’s is? Finding out and doing something positive about it will bring a lot of peace to your home.
My wife needs quality time. I know that and I know the particular flavors of quality time she needs. She knows my love language—words of affirmation. And she knows how to keep my love bucket full. We have a very happy, successful marriage.
My advice is simple and it is this: find out what makes your wife tick, how she really feels loved, and then love that way. Serve her. Quit hanging onto your pride and just love her with all your heart. Don’t wait for her to change or for your desires to be requited.
If you do this, it will change everything for the good.
P.S. If your wife has some deeply held emotional or hidden issues, it may not be as simple as this. See my disclaimer.