If you read my last post, you might be saying, “Well, yeah, but you don’t know my husband.”
You’re right. And I don’t blame you for saying that. Can I know all what’s going on in your marriage, and all the frustration you are experiencing? No.
But I can say with the perfect assurance that comes from many years of trial and error: The change you want to see in others starts and ends with you.
I’m not saying your husband doesn’t need to change. He absolutely does. We all do.
But you will actually slow that change if you try to use negative emotions to bring it about. Those emotions can only come from pride and impatience which is just another way Satan tempts us to give up on our marriage.
Heavenly Father is always telling us, “Keep trying. Hang in there! Don’t give up. I believe in you. I know you can do it.” On the contrary, Satan is always trying to get us to throw in the towel. He is always tempting to check out of our marriages, our faith, our devotion to high principle.
My main point here is that you will be far less frustrated with your man—and yourself—if you use power, not force, to change your situation.
What is the difference between power and force?
Power is your positive influence on others for good, which motivates them by virtue of your innate beauty and goodness. It is one of your greatest gifts. By it you create a desire in others to change and to be and do better because of how you honor their agency, and offer them your respect, your complete acceptance and your unvarnished, unconditional love.
Force, on the other hand, compels others to change through negativity and fear, which may bring about temporary change, but not without resentment and a desire to run or strike back.
Force gets temporary results, but it never lasts. True power comes from God. It is eternal. It lasts forever.
Your power source comes from being true to God and to yourself, from being your truest, best self; force comes roaring in when you choose to betray yourself with fear and rage. Whenever those two feelings are present, so is the devil.
Your power is founded on self-control and comes “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile…” (D&C 121:41,42).
Your force, which is the same as giving away your power, which is just Satan’s counterfeit for power, is manifest by his sneaky polar opposites, “by contention, by impatience, by harshness and pride, and by the absence of love; by unkindness, and deception, which shall greatly shrink the soul with hypocrisy, and with guile…”
When you are true to the Lord and to your highest self, you will come into your true power, and your frustrations will diminish until they utterly disappear.
This is how Jesus Christ overcame the world (see John 16:33). This is how you can overcome the world. This is how you can overcome your frustration with your husband. This is where you can find complete peace.