“I’ve Got the Mommy Power”

I heard a story from a fellow quorum member today. He and his wife were visiting his son in another state over the Thanksgiving holiday. He took his grandchildren out for a walk, and they started getting a little worried. They were farther from their home than they had been before, in an unfamiliar area. Then his five-year-old granddaughter spoke up.

Courtesy LDS Media Library
“You know what my dad told me?” she asked.

“What’s that?” asked the grandfather.

“I’ve got the mommy power.”

The grandfather smiled. “What’s the mommy power?” he asked.

“It’s when things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be, but you still know that everything is going to be all right.”

I’ve witnessed the mommy power. I love seeing it in action. I am in awe of it. I am grateful for it, beyond measure. I’ll go so far to say that mommy power—just you wait and see—is one of the things that holds the universe together.

Will You Light the World?

Here’s a video I can’t resist sharing. Every day starting December 1 and leading up to Christmas is an opportunity to remember the things our Savior did and to follow His example. Here you’ll find daily inspiration on 25 ways to follow the example of Jesus Christ in your daily life—and make this season unforgettable.

Because He is the light of the world (John 8:12), we can light the world (Matthew 5:14).

So What Is Teenage Rebellion?

We hear about rebellious teenagers but what do we mean by rebel? I have some thoughts about this. Our younger generation may not really be rebelling though society might label them so.

Courtesy LDS Media LibraryThe dictionary defines rebellion as an “open opposition toward a person or group in authority” or “refusal to obey rules or accept normal standards of behavior.” Not my idea of fun.

Here’s one example of true rebellion from the Book of Mormon. Laman and Lemuel and their unnamed followers were murmur-o-maniacs. They just could not get over their inclination to rebel against their parents and brothers and to regularly deride what was holy and good. They had their okay moments, such as when they helped Nephi build a ship (see 1 Nephi 17 and 18), but those moments did not occur until after Nephi used some supernatural persuasion (see 1 Nephi 17:52–55). Nevertheless, because they were “past feeling” (see 1 Nephi 17:45), they persisted in their stubbornness, and more than once threatened to murder their father and siblings. Family factions were eventually forced to separate. Permanently.

Those who persistently rebel cannot be redeemed. Abinadi in the Book of Mormon told a belligerent king and his false-hearted priests that they “ought to tremble; for the Lord redeemeth none such that rebel against him and die in their sins; yea, even all those that have perished in their sins ever since the world began, that have wilfully rebelled against God, that have known the commandments of God, and would not keep them; these are they that have no part in the first resurrection” (see Mosiah 15:26). If we wilfully rebel against God and His commandments and don’t repent, it looks like we won’t join the faithful in the first resurrection. And if we are not part of the first resurrection, we will not be part of the celestial kingdom. We’ll have to camp out in another kingdom. For a very long time. Not a happy prospect.

On the other hand, things are often not that bad. There is usually a lot of reasons to hope. For example, in their younger years, Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah rebelled against God (see Mosiah 27:11), but they fully repented—fully. Any who are acquainted with their depth of repentance and their lives of absolute devotion shouldn’t have any doubt about how well things turned out for them. So it’s not so much the rebellion that does us in: it’s sticking to rebellion, and coming back to rebellion over and over, that keeps us mired in trouble.

Consider this. It’s not easy for us to tell, but when our children rebel against us, it might not be rebellion against God and our faith and culture as much as it might be rebellion against coercive, fear-based parenting.

God entrusts us with our children’s agency, at least until they are able to exercise it on their own. As infants and toddlers, they need to be fiercely protected from the elements, from passing cars, from hot stoves. As young children, the leash gets longer and they get more freedom. They go to school, make friends, and we leave them in the care of others. As tweens and teens, they venture into romantic longings, the virtual world of smart phones, relationship experimentation, and long trips away from home. We all but unsnap the leash. And sometimes they suffer from hormone poisoning. Sometimes they rebel—and we cling.

We don’t want our children whom we love more than life itself wandering off on “forbidden paths” (see 1 Nephi 8:28) and so we restrict and grasp and and yank and yell. And what happens? Instead of drawing them back, we push them away, sometimes far away.

Any parent knows that every child is different. Each has different needs, different ways of looking at the world, different talents. Some create their own boundaries and stay within them; others cannot be contained by any boundary. We can’t blame ourselves solely when our children, in spite of our very best though imperfect efforts, go another way. They have the right to choose.

The point I want to make here is that we sometimes encourage rebellion by asking too much of our kids, by expecting perfection, or by forcing them to do the right thing. It’s counterproductive. God doesn’t compel us; why should we compel our children? We cannot be saved or damned without our permission. We may urge, maybe even plead, but if we coerce or force, we’ve gone too far. By so doing, we create resentment and in resentment lies the seeds of rebellion.

Alma the Younger, later in life, offered these words to his way-off-track son Corianton:

Therefore, O my son, whosoever will come may come and partake of the waters of life freely; and whosoever will not come the same is not compelled to come; but in the last day it shall be restored unto him according to his deeds. (Alma 42:27; emphasis added.)

Alma the Younger knew. He put his parents through the wringer himself.

If we abduct our children’s agency, we compel them and according to the Book of Mormon, we shouldn’t do that. We should teach them, reach out to them, persuade and encourage, love, and turn to heaven for help, but not force. Remember that force or the systematic denial of agency, along with its chief proponent, were voted down by a majority in premortal life. The conflict continues.

Let’s not switch sides. Don’t collar your kids out of fear. Guide more and chide less. It’s just a thought.

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

When Doubt Crawls into Your Sleeping Bag

More and more I am finding doubt among friends and family. I believe doubt is a normal thing, like the common cold. Just about everyone comes down with it from time to time. But we all must, at one time or another, face the dark side of our consciousness and decide what we are going to do about it. It’s not easy, but this life was not meant to be easy. It was meant to be educational.

I had to face the dark before I ever joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’ll call it my pre-faith crisis. As some of you know, my parents were violently opposed to me joining the Church. At 17, the bright light of the gospel showed up in my life. I was so excited about it I could hardly contain myself, but my parents, especially my father, went apoplectic. They piled books and pamphlets in my lap that were, well, less than complimentary of the Prophet Joseph, Brigham Young, the Book of Mormon, polygamy, the Mountain Meadows Massacre . . . you get the idea.

I read that material with an open mind. I wasn’t afraid of it or particularly shocked. Why would I be? I literally knew nothing about Mormonism before that time. As I sorted through the criticism and negativity, the accusations, the logic and the illogic that shouted from those pages, I was also reading the Book of Mormon and the New Testament, feeling the presence of the Spirit, hearing the voice of the Lord come to my heart, and experiencing miracles daily.

Even at that young age, I could discern the dissonant voices who spoke against the truth and the light that shined from scripture and from the lives and examples of my Latter-Day Saint friends. The contrast was crisp and beautiful. It brought everything into focus for me. I knew I had to choose the path of light or the path of darkness.

I also knew that God was not in the dark and that I wouldn’t find Him there for “that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness” (Doctrine and Covenants 50:23). I also came to know that He will reach into the dark to pull you out, if you turn to Him with all your heart.

And what do I mean by dark? I mean criticism, mockery, sarcasm, blame, belittling, bitterness, disrespect, and contention. If any of these attributes are present, darkness is also present.

I made a simple commitment that unforgettable autumn, before I was baptized, to look to God and follow the light, to take my questions and fears to Him and patiently wait for His answers. That was 41 years ago. I have stayed true to that commitment my entire adult life.

That choice was the best choice I’ve ever made. It hasn’t always been easy, to be sure. I’ve certainly had my dark days—even dark weeks and months—but I’ve stuck it out. And I’m so glad I have.

And I have always received clear answers on whatever question I’ve asked. The promise “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7) really works.

I do not rely on the “arm of flesh” for my answers (see 2 Nephi 4:34). We’ve been counseled to “ask of God” who promises to give answers “to all men liberally.” He won’t upbraid us in the process; He won’t rebuke us or treat us condescendingly. He will simply give answers to us, if we ask sincerely and patiently (see James 1:5).

I’ve had a 100 percent success rate using that formula. I’ll probably keep using it for the next 40 years, though I don’t think I’ll last that long—not as a mortal, anyway.

I want to share a verse that is very powerful to me. It’s short and I memorized it during the first few months I was a member of the Church. It’s one of my favorites:

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36.)

Let’s talk about these ten words for a moment. This is the voice of Jesus Christ, pleading with you and me to look to Him in every thought; He is also commanding us—yes, commanding, in an imperative voice—to not doubt or fear.

Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart. . . . (Mormon 9:27.)

Yes, we will all struggle with doubt at one time or another, but it doesn’t have to be our constant companion. We can do something about it.

Look at it this way. If a rattlesnake crawls into your sleeping bag, are you going to let it stay there? Are you going to stay in there? I hope not. I would put as much energy into getting away from doubt that you would put into getting away from a rattlesnake.

I’m not talking about getting away from the truth. I am talking about getting away from darkness and poison.

You are not obligated to doubt. You are not forced to doubt either. It is ultimately your choice. It, like an addiction, might be a hard habit to break. If you trust the wisdom of men and your own wisdom above God’s, your doubts will proliferate. Unchecked, they’ll eventually infest every thought. You might wake up one morning doubting everything. Your heart will be troubled, if not embittered, and your outlook will be dark and contentious. These are signs that the rattlesnake is near or has already bitten you. But you don’t have to stay loyal to your doubts. You can turn from them at any time.

I remember years ago hearing a friend quote the wise advice of his grandmother. “Don’t let the devil get into the car with you because pretty soon, he’s going to want to drive.” You don’t have to let doubt take the wheel; you don’t even have to let it get into your car.

Turn your back on doubt and turn your whole heart to God. Turn your whole heart to His light. Trust that light and follow it. Don’t wait for complete and perfect answers before you choose to follow the light. Those answers will come after you choose the light. As you walk toward the light, the shadows always fall behind you.

And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit. Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy. (Doctrine and Covenants 11:12–13.)

You’re here to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). If you turn toward the light, “thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it” (Isaiah 30:21). You’ll know what to do. You’ll have peace in your heart. You’ll get your answers. You don’t have to cling to your misunderstanding. Light won’t treat you with disrespect.

Have not I [the Lord] commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. (Joshua 1:9.)

You have not been asked to cross the plains of the American West. You’ve been asked to cross the plains of doubt. You can do it. Of course you can. I know you can. Make doubt your servant; don’t let doubt be your master. Let doubt be your acquaintance, but don’t invite it over for Christmas dinner.

Let me close with these words about the fruits of the Spirit and righteous living. I love the way Galatians 5:22–23 reads in The Message:

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Who has the light? You’ll know them by their fruits (see Matthew 7:15–20)—that is, in the long run, they’ll produce joy instead of bitterness, unity, not separation, love, not hatred. Let His light lead you to the good fruit. He will not fail you if you put your trust in Him (see Mosiah 7:33).

And you’ll get that rattlesnake out of your sleeping bag.

So You Think You Had a Bad Day?

By Frenkieb from Netherlands - Flickr, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2324541

I went to a meeting last night where a man told of how his day went. Let’s call him Bob.

Mind, I raised my hand part way through the narrative and asked Bob, “So this really all happened to you today?” He assured everyone in the room that it did.

If you think you had a bad day, listen up: this might make you feel like it wasn’t so bad.

Bob was in his car and had just bought himself a diet soda in a big plastic cup. It was on a console (or something) next to the driver seat when it began to tip. Bob tried to grab it, but he accidentally squished the plastic cup, popped the lid off, and poured the entire drink on the floor, soaking his feet in the process.

Bob felt a little upset, so he slammed his fist against the steering wheel, and as he did, the window on the passenger side fell off its tracks and into the door.

It was little cold. Bob tried to crank up the heat, but the heat would not come on. He flipped the knob back and forth several times—hard enough that the knob broke off. 

He drove off, enjoyed a few miles of natural air conditioning, and a short while later got a flat tire on a busy thoroughfare.

All this happened within a half hour.

If you think you had a bad day, consider Bob’s yesterday. Now does yours seem so bad? I didn’t think so.

The Book of Mormon, a Temple of Peace

Courtesy LDS Media Library

I love the Book of Mormon. I dearly love the Bible, but I love the Book of Mormon more than any other book. I have loved it for over 40 years, since I first became acquainted with it at the age of 17. I love it for the way it speaks of Christ, placing Him as the central figure of the spiritual history of the world, of both the eastern and western hemispheres.

This book is an antidote when I am down in the dumps. When I read it, I am in a temple of peace. It’s my mountain top, my booster rocket, my life raft, my bomb shelter.

I recently began reading the Book of Mormon again with a new mission in mind. I found a fresh paperback copy on our bookshelf (2013 edition) and a fine-tipped, purple Flair pen. I am marking every occurrence of the name for Christ that I can find in purple—the color of royalty.

I can’t tell you what a spiritual experience it has been for me so far! Every time I find His name on these pages, I light up. I am not sure why, but it feels like on this trip through its pages I am being washed in living water—from a waterfall that started in heaven. It is fire and light, hope and peace, and cool refreshment, all wrapped into one.

Here are some of the names I have found in the first 32 pages:

  • Jesus
  • Christ
  • The Eternal God
  • Lord Jesus Christ
  • Savior
  • Son of the Living God
  • One
  • Messiah
  • Lamb of God
  • Lord
  • Son of God
  • Son of the Most High God
  • Son of the Eternal Father
  • Lamb
  • Son of the Everlasting God
  • Shepherd over all the earth

Let me conclude with a passage—a witness of Christ—that I love:

Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name. Yea, thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all, even to those who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God. Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man [and woman] of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked—and land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers, to go no more out. (Helaman 3:27–30.)

If you have never read the Book of Mormon, I promise if you read it with a humble attitude and an open heart, it will bless your life. It will open doors and open eyes. It will lower your blood pressure (if only figuratively). It will give you hope. You will find new direction for your life. It is a text book for our day. It will guide you to higher ground in a time that we desperately need higher ground and a sense of safety.

If you don’t know how to get your hands on a copy, if you contact me here and give me your address, I will personally send you a copy, free of charge. No strings attached.

Save

Smartphones and Social Media vs. Real Human Contact

LDS Media Library

Over the last few years, I’ve had a bit of a falling out with social media, and lately, I have been wrestling with the emotions I experience with any form of virtual interaction. There’s a taint of artificiality. The delay between messages. Feeling compelled to respond in a certain way. I wrestled with the all too common topics, which can be rather negative; and portrayals, which can be flattering but disingenuous. I also am on my guard about privacy and safety.

I’m also giving too much attention to my smartphone. I read “Love Interruptus” in the August 2016 issue of Psychology Today about how one husband called his wife’s smartphone her “other husband,” and about technoference, the “everyday intrusions or interruptions in couple interactions . . . that occur due to technology.” All this has gotten me thinking.

I am not saying this is the experience everyone is having with social media, or that it’s inherently bad. It isn’t. But I am sensitive to even low doses of negativity, and I tend to shield my spirit from its toxic effects. I also value attention given without distraction. I greatly value it.

After a moment of visual revulsion on Instagram this summer, and considering my tendency toward electronic “doodling,”  I took a five-week break from social media (except one work-related Facebook group) so I could get some clear perspective on what I have been feeling. I don’t want to totally give up on my smartphone or social media; I just don’t want it to take so much real estate in my brain, or to distract me from what’s more important.

One thing that’s important is giving people around me the honor, respect, and attention they deserve. Exquisite, thoughtful respect is what they deserve. That respectful attention is Christlike love in action, and I’m not giving enough of it, or allowing myself to receive enough of it.

So I’ve made a decision to turn off my smartphone and keep it out of sight from other people, as much as possible. To leave it in the car when I go into a restaurant or a store or meeting, especially if I’m with my wife or a family member, or even with friends and colleagues. I have plenty of time to myself, when I can pay attention to my phone—people, real, in-person people, deserve better.

I also want my posts to be less trivial and aggrandizing. I want them to be things I would say to a real person, eye to eye, in their presence, in an unvarnished way.

I’ll need more than luck to change. I’ll stay accountable to you and report my successes and failures here. Thank you for understanding: You mean more to me than your Facebook post. I’ll try to prove that. You’re welcome to call me out if I don’t. Please, by all means, do. I need more friends like that.

Update: Sunday, September 18, 2016

How did I do this past week on my technoference goals? I made progress, but it did not go as well as I hoped. I had some successes in keeping my phone tucked away, but not all the time and not to my satisfaction. Checking my phone, even sans notifications, is a reflexive habit. I’ve realized that I need to adjust my approach. I need to read my scriptures on the train, for example, in the presence of others. So I am refining my goals. I need to try a few things first as I develop my personal phone etiquette (PPE). I’ll report back soon.

Update: Sunday, October 15, 2016

How am I doing on my smartphone goals? I have been doing better in some areas, and not so good in others. I have only improved slightly. I usually leave my phone in the car now when I go to dinner with my wife or run some errands with her. That way, I can be more focused on her. I have been doing a little better in meetings. But in other areas, I have fallen down. I am going to focus on keeping my phone put away when (1) I am in a personal conversation with someone; (2) I am in a meeting. When I am tempted to look at my phone in these situations, I plan to turn to mindfulness as an alternative. We’ll see. I am discovering that I am weaker than I thought I was. 😔